Thinking about writing my experiences always seem so intimidating. Throughout the weeks since my last post, I have moments of enlightenment as I ponder the gospel and think, “Oh that would be perfect to write about.” Then my life continues full speed ahead with my body struggling to keep up and writing a post gets put to the side. But everyday comes with new strength, new hope and a new opportunity to share my testimony. Today I’ve decided to take advantage of this chance.
As I read through my last post, tears rolled down my cheeks as I relived my life. It’s amazing to me how trials that we experience firsthand never completely become average or normal. I’m not sure if that makes any sense, but it’s exactly how I feel. In my life, I have struggled with being sick for the past three years and still there are days when I am overcome with the weight of the illness I carry. During moments when reality seems to slap me in the face once again, I feel so inadequate for feeling weak. Negative thoughts bombard my mind saying that if I truly was a strong person, being sick wouldn’t affect me anymore. I have had three years to deal with it and by now I should accept it and move on. At times like this, my wonderful mother is there to remind me that I am still strong even if I struggle. And as we talk about what I have overcome, I see that these moments of weakness are what give me my strength. If we as imperfect beings were able to overcome hardship completely, there would never be opportunities for us to be humbled. Although these moments threaten to hold me down, as I turn to the Savior and His atoning sacrifice the bitterness is turned to sweetness through His love and mercy.
“I give unto [Toni] weakness that [she] may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if [Toni will] humble [herself] before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto [her] (Ether 12:27).” These words, written by a prophet of God, are just one of the many passages the Lord had given to his people to console their hearts in times of uncertainty and tribulation. Yes, even with this knowledge, there will still be days when I want to quit; days when I feel I can go no further. But when I start to feel Satan telling me that I am no good or weak for feeling overwhelmed by my life, I need to remember that weakness brings humility and humility brings strength. Everything I have written today is nothing that I planned on sharing. I’m not sure why these thoughts came to my mind but I pray that as I have tried to follow a prompting to write that someone may benefit from these words.
Life is hard but it is worth it.
The Lord loves me and I love Him!
No comments:
Post a Comment